someone threw a dead crab at me
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
