okay pat passed out under dana's car
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
