this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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