I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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