:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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