There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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