I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So vagazzling was a success
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
