i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
