I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You ate ashes out of my bong
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
