and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
