I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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