Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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