Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize