shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
