Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
