this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
