if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
