38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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