this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
