My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
