I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
