Just fell off a train. Bad.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
