she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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