We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
