I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
