Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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