Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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