I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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