i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
