I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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