Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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