the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
