I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
