I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
