i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
