everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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