so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
