I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
