Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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