Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
