The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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