I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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