Her vagina should come with caution tape.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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