I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
