When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize