he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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