I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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