I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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