I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he shaved USA in his pubs
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Randomize
