I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
