Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
