I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i think i just lost a toe
we should paint friendship bongs
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