How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
