And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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