In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
