i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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