Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
