TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
