i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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